Real Life…during the holidays!

It’s the Holiday season!  Everyone is looking for the best shopping deal in town, or deciding how they will spend the holidays.  Families are making plans for the activities and determining what they will cook for this special holiday.  The excitement of the anticipated holiday approaches and all kinds of emotions are now front and center.

Ironically, everyone will not have the same experience because families are all different.  There are many messages sent out to encourage family gatherings, holiday shopping, and plans for the meal.  Wait! What about the families who are caring for a child or children with disabilities.  Has anyone stopped for a moment and thought about how they handle or process the holiday season.

Interestingly, there are many mixed emotions that unfold that most people don’t consider.  How about the parent who cries when they go to a toy store because their 7-year old child is not able to maneuver a toy because of physical limitation or cognitive limitations.  Let’s think for a moment if you have a 12-year old child on the Autism Spectrum who cognitively understands things at a 4-year-old level.  How does that family feel when asked what they’re getting their child for Christmas.  Do you honestly believe they are happy to say they shop in the toddlers’ section for their 12-year old child?  Or what about the family whose child is in a wheelchair with no hand usage because of a disability and that parent now is asked what they are getting this year for Christmas for their child.  These questions are common, but the responses for a parent caring for a child with special needs, the answer is drastically different.  Those times are excruciating and can even be embarrassing to some families.  Take a moment and pause and put yourself in the shoes of a family whose child has a disability, and they don’t get invited to the family gatherings.  Many times other family members don’t know how to associate with those who have a disability or their house is not easy to navigate for someone in a wheelchair.  What about the non-verbal child who doesn’t communicate with the general population, so other family members don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

The reason for this blog is to have you think about families who are caring for someone with a disability, and how the Holiday season impacts them.  Let’s not forget them when we are thinking about giving a gift.  Here are a few tips to help you feel comfortable to support a family with someone with a disability:

1. Always be sensitive and mindful of the family and how they want to celebrate the holidays
2. Don’t force anyone to feel that they are not welcomed if you genuinely are uncomfortable with them being in your home
3. Absolutely, don’t assume you know what to purchase for the child with special needs or tell a parent what they should be getting
4. Ask the parent if they are comfortable with sharing what they would like to get their child for the holiday, and how they explain the holiday to their child
5. Respect a family if they choose not to participate in a family holiday function.  The stress of navigating someone in a wheelchair can be challenging in unfamiliar environments
6. If you’re open to learning about the child’s disability, then meet with the parent privately to help gain a better understanding. Most families are willing to share if they know the person is sincere
7. Help other family members who are used to family traditions during the holidays that everyone may not want to participate, and it is okay if they don’t
8. Be patient with families who are caring for someone with a disability.  They may change their minds several times due to the state of their child’s health.
9. If a family member shares, they need a quiet place or room; if you invite them over, then please accommodate this request.  This can be used as the calm room for if a traumatic meltdown happens with their disabled child
10. Show love to everyone, no matter who they are for everyone has feelings and wants to receive love

If you simply don’t know what to do but want to help families caring for someone with a disability.  Then support organizations that provide Holiday programs that understand the needs of the families.  A great organization is Jeremiah’s Voice, Inc.  Our focus is to help families to live beyond their disabilities.  We have a Hope for the Holidays program that provides catered meals and age-specific and disability appropriate gifts.  Click here: www.JeremiahsVoice.org to make a contribution, and you will help a family experience a wonderful holiday.